Who Can you Please Sitting on the Fence?

Following my run-ins with the social security office and the driver's license renewal office, I found myself incredibly cautious of the name subject. I was sick of explaining why I had not chosen to simply "take my husband's name."

Even that statement bothered me. I couldn't help it! In my mind, I had chosen to take his name. I took it, tacked it onto mine, and added a hyphen. What was the big deal?

I wasn't concerned, however, with my friends. I just knew that they would understand. Yes, my young, hip, feminist-theory loving friends. I just knew that they would stand up, cheer and root for my decision.

I couldn't wait to tell them! I really was ready to get some positive feedback.

It was not as I had expected. Apparently, I was sitting on the proverbial fence.

There was no thunderous applause when I shared the big news with my friends. There were just more questions and declarations of concern.

Well if you felt that way, why didn't you just keep your name?

How can you consider your name liberating? You've marked yourself just the same!

I think that the hyphen sounds snotty and snobby!

You're just as much of a sell-out as those other brides that take his name!

Oh goodness! I wasn't ready for that.

On and on and on, it continued.

You're just sitting on the fence.

You didn't make a decision.

You made a compromise to suit your husband.

I don't think that they were being mean exactly. They were just confused. Heck sometimes I was confused. I made a decision that I felt was right for me. I wasn't always able to defend it chapter and verse, but it made sense to me.

What happened to congratulations on your great feminist stand. It sounds funny, but I had started to feel like I was quite courageous. After all, I'd been defending the lions for a while now.

What bothered me was that the only pleased person seemed to be myself. I know that is important, but I am a people pleaser. What can I say? I like and want that kind of affirmation. Sadly, it looked like I wasn't pleasing either side of the spectrum. I wasn't taking a traditional name approach, nor was I declaring my liberated independence as a woman. I was sitting somewhere in the middle.

My name seemed to make no one happy, but me. Wasn't that all that mattered?

~warmly~

Katherine