I've always wanted to write about men who take their wive's last names. While an uncommon (at least in the United States) , this is something that my husband and I carefully considered. He identifies very strongly with my side of the family, so we've considered him a "Greene" for many years now. Plus, if we were being fair, it had to be considered as an option.
For us, we decided that it wasn't our best option, but it has always left me wondering what is the ideal situation for the man's name change. Why would he do it? Why would he want to do it?
As a started researching this issue, I found out that it is a more common choice than one might think. USA today did an article on the topic in 2007. Check it out here.
This is a very interesting blog post documenting one man's choice. Check it out here.
Another experience here. They dealt with the costly ramifications of the choice ($$$).
Another husband, Josiah Neufield, writes about his name change experience in an article for Globalmail.com. His experience (interestingly) shared a lot of parrallels with my own. Yet another DMV experience!
He writes, "It was my idea; Mona never suggested it.
he official at the drivers' licence office squinted at me suspiciously, examined for a second time my birth certificate and marriage licence, and repeated, "You want to change your last name to your wife's?"
"Usually it's the other way around."
"Usually it is."
He consulted the form on his screen and said slowly, as much to himself as to anyone, "Yes ... you can do that."
Of all the independences one sacrifices at the altar, a name might seem like a small one. Women have been leaving theirs there for centuries.
But I agonized over my decision to take my wife's last name when we married two years ago. I told my family what I was considering; my mother laughed doubtfully. "We'll have to have a family discussion about that," she said. ...She cried when I told her I'd made up my mind.
"I don't believe you did it," a relative said to me recently, "and I don't even want to know why." We left it at that.
People often ask me why I did it, with curious or wary glances. It's a good question with many answers.
I did it because I love Mona -- because I wanted her to know that I didn't expect her to become anyone other than herself. It mattered to me that we shared a name, so I reasoned I should be the one to offer mine up...
Mona told me afterward my choice made her feel loved."
What an amazing thing for a husband to do. I couldn't help it, but to tear up as I was reading.
As I've experienced my own negative (and also positive) reactions to my name decision, I've speculated, questioned and sympathized with what it would be like for a man to make that decision---to be a hyphen or the oh-so-bold decision to take his wife's name.
As Neufield reminds, we don't have to fret about this too much. "So far the name change hasn't cost me more than a few hours of paperwork, some explanations to public officials and a few strained conversations with brittle relatives who think I've joined a matrilineal cult. I still feel like myself. My identity remains intact. Marriage will demand larger sacrifices than this, I expect."
Amen.
I am definitely pleased with the decision that we made, but 0ne can always wonder.
KEGO
